Aspirin Overdose: Funny joke

Aspirin Overdose

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"

The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"

The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"

The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"

Jane says "No."

"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.

"No." says Jimmy's mom.

The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"

Again Jane says "No."

"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.

"No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"

To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."  

Be near me

Be near me now,
My tormenter , my love,
be near me --------
At this hour when night comes down,
When, having drunk from the gash of sunset, 
darkness comes
With the balm of musk in its hands, its diamond lancets, 
When it comes with cries of lamentation, 
with laughter with songs;
Its blue gray anklets of pain clinking with every sleep.
At this hour when hearts, deep in their hiding places,
Have begun to hope once more, when they start their vigil
For hands still enfolded in sleeves;
When wine being poured makes the sound of inconsolable children
Who, though you try with all your heart, can not be soothed.
When what ever you want to do can not be done,
When nothing is of any use;
- At this hour when night comes down,
When night comes, dragging its long face, 
dressed in mourning, 
Be with me, 
My tormenter, my love, be near me.

Just Ask Me : Educational Psychologist jokes

Just Ask Me

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten greatgrandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." 

Requesting a three day pass

Requesting a three day pass

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!" 

Local call

Local call 

Bush, Blair and Giriza died the same day and went to HELL together. Bored in Hell...all of them wanted to know whats going on in their country...Then they decided to make a call. All of them had limited money so they wanted to save money and make a short call. Blair wanted make a first call so he started and ended up talking 15 mins.....BUsh as usual loves to show off so he talked for 30 mins....Then was our Giriza's turn...He started talking ....10 mins-20mins-30mins-1hr-2hr.......he talked for 5 hrs and OK am tired of talking and i'll call u guyz later.....

Both Blair and bush were shocked to see that and said:... We are from such good countries, such rich countried...still we couldn't afford talking more than 30 mins...how can u afford to talk that long?

Giriza smiled and replied...Its a local call ( Hell to Hell )

Musharraf geting slap in tunnel

Musharraf geting slap in tunnel Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."

The Music Teacher Jokes

The Music Teacher The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."

Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."

The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."

Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."

She calls on Little Johnny in the back.

Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."